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Sunday, May 21, 2006

Update: Life's purpose

I resumed the exercise I mentioned below about finding your life's purpose.  This time I broke through whatever unconscious resistance I had in just about 10 minutes.  I was building on what I had done before, and I'm sure I did need that initial time, even though it seemed unproductive then.  Thankfully, and not particularly surprisingly, it is a reaffirmation of the insights I have gained these past few weeks.

The purpose of my life is to surrender entirely to God, to
accept his unconditional love for me, to let his spirit set my soul on fire,
breaking the shackles on my heart, letting his love flow into my body, mind, heart and spirit and through me into the
lives of everyone I encounter, bringing them healing, joy, peace and love.

Apparently, the key insight here that I didn't have in my earlier iterations was the unconditional love of God, and the implied acceptance of my imperfect self as being worthy of that love.  That's been a big issue for me for years and years, the feeling that I was not good enough to be loved by God.  Even though, in my head, I knew that I would never be good enough and that God loved me anyway, in my heart there were still things that 'good girls don't do.'  And if someone (especially me) did any of them, even God would not love them anymore. 

But God does!!  And every once in a while, he will beat me over the head with this message, since I don't quite seem to be able to get it and make it stick.

So to anyone who was wondering as to the efficacy of the exercise - it does work.  It might just take a lot longer than you expect it to.  It's very worth it though.


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